So you like Sleeping Do YOU!!! ROOM SERVICE 101

Well I see you are STILL SLEEPING, I've been up for HOURS!

Good morning MY darlings!

ROOM SERVICE 101.........Wakey Wakey, its dawn…I see you sleeping! So ….are you? Thought you could sleep! Ah yes, the eyes are tight shut and you are snoring as usual.  What is the matter with you it is 5:00 a.m. I’ve already been prowling the morning sky for birds; a little snack before I wake you up!!!

Diva distracts, acts, stealing the morning slumber from her human!



I want my breakfast – NOW!


Do you hear ME, my day job at the theatre starts at 11:00 a.m. Just in time for English elevenses....the civilized hour for sipping tea before noon!.

I'm ready to perform....however I do have an ulterior motive  FOOD!(shaking her head and hips, wagging her tail in defiance  - tap, tap, tap)!! Get UP!

Oh.... I see toes..dare to me bite them!

I have plans for you…..thought I was innocent, oh yes, my sweet darling face could have been give away. (Smirking) But it isn’t.it isn't!   Humans have one purpose ONLY …to SERVE DIVA CATS!!!!!!

I promise to:  Make you jump out of your skin, yell in your ear with meows that will shatter glass!!! Before 7:00 a.m.!!! Can you dig it girl???

For those new kittens on the block here are the STEPS you need to take. (get your paws ready to take notes with a bowl of milk!). A refresher for the seasoned cats!

How to GET YOUR BREAKFAST NOW @^..^@ - :  10 point version:

1)      Observe your human;

2)      Carefully jump on the bed not to make any motion;

3)      Watch their face, are they snoring (if so creep up to the right or left ear and sit for a moment);

Planning the strategy!!!!

Distracting Aliens

4)      Breathe deeply, expanding the lungs, position yourself until you are one inch from their ear canal – then MEOW in an Operatic voice (KNOWN AS THE BUGLE CALL). 

Diva in fine Operatic form

Oh I see the canine has left the room with tail tucked in fright!

        5)      I love to see my human JUMP OUT OF HER SKIN!!!
LOL ha ha;

        6)      Plan B: if that doesn’t work, look for any exposed feet or toes! You may bite -JUST ENOUGH! You always get what YOU want;

      7)      Jump, on them. Walk over to the bedside table.Knock over the pen, tea cup or electric alarm clock (if it is electric, tap the cord with your paw and send it crashing to the floor);

Oh I expect you will hear moans and groans from YOUR HUMAN SERVANT…..DON’T WORRY. 
 Be ready to duck for throwing objects your way and flaying arms;

  8)      BE pursistant……the goal is to get them up and into the kitchen…FOOD IS THE PRIME DIRECTIVE…..compared to Feline or Dolphins, humans aren't the most intelligent species;

     9)      Sit outside the bedroom door; continue to scream at them glass shattering meows….eventually they will get out of bed;
  
    10)   Keep meowing at them even in the kitchen;

    11)   Look sweet and deserving…that will get them all the time;

Darling my SweeNESS pose 4 YOU

    12)   Devour your breakfast
 (nonchalantly) wash your face and sit with your back turned away from them….this will annoy them greatly;


Remember to strike the ears in a V formation like radar…pretending to be an Egyptian Sphinx.  Even if they talk to you sweetly…IGNORE THEM ^..^

Remember MY DARLINGS……..YOUR HUMAN IS THERE TO SERVE YOU AT ANYTIME, BREAKFAST, LUNCH OR DINNER!!!


Remember your ancestors...they wrote the book on 'how to' manipulate humans and control them.

&^..^&click on the thumbnails to see my in FULL LIFE!

Well, next week I'll test you to see how you have purformed!!!!

Write to me and let know who YOU DID!


See you next week....

similar blog posts: http://divapaws4advice.blogspot.ca/2013/04/so-you-want-little-melody-with-your_15.html

Cats Prime Directive - Bugle Call 101

Audition Photo 2011

Hello My Darlings!

To my adoring fans, it's great to be back to the land of the living (after my recent escapades- phew).
Walking On The Wild Side - Feb 21 2012

Humans are stubborn species even at the best of times, especially in the morning when I want MY breakfast!

Eggs - protein for ME

 They don't seem to have any sense of time - what is that. Don't they know I run a tight ship? As a result I have devised and modified my prime directive accordingly (CONTROL HUMANS).

PAY ATTENTION!

Take yesterday morning for example (sigh - farrowed eyes).  My human was sleeping soundly, (and should have been up, the sun was up so why wasn't she)?  I used the two syllable  tone of "ummph, ummph, ummph"..this usually gets a response.   With other high octave meows.

 Revealing my LOCH NESS pose, I screamed in her ear bellowing out a full Aria resulting in my trump card:   A BUGLE.

Bugle Blast 101

Remember:  The Prime Directive at all times-CONTROL YOUR HUMANS they ARE YOUR SERVANTS. Resistance is FUTILE.

:) This worked well in my favor as I had my human eating out of my hand all day LOL 

Ciao until next time -

Sous Chef Experience - Diva Knows Best

Hello My Darlings!

I had the experience of a Sous Chef in my kitchen:

Sous Chef:  sous-chef (s sh f , s -sh f ). n. pl. sous-chefs (-sh fs , -sh f ). The chef who is second in authority in a restaurant or kitchen, ranking below the head chef. 
 (Diva's have the LAST word on this)

First hand experience is best when it comes to the kitchen! This is what you need to know:


 Rule #1 - be attentive to sounds!
A . The opening of the fridge door; B. dishes being cleared from the drainer - getting ready for cooking;
C. "zip gagunk' is the opening of the tin of food; D. gastronomic odors of chicken, fish, or asparagus - ding-dong breakfast, lunch or dinner IS in the making;  E. 'tap, tap, tap' noise of fork hitting saucer means my meal is about to be served; F. the sound of the coffee grinder - coffee segues to the promise of M I L K.

You might want to share this with your canine friends - LOL :)

Happy foraging and eating..............until next time

Dawn Chorus

Thursday, Feb. 1st.

Good morning, Darlings.

A new month awaits us and your breakfast.

If you really want to get your breakfast early do this! Strategy is the key.

5:00 a.m. Observe  your humans sleeping activity at dawns early light LOL.
Creep on the floor, and leap high in the air on the bed, landing softly.
Gently, creep beside your human and meow (using your highest octave pitch) in their ear!

If that doesn't alert them, look for an exposed foot and bit it.


This will really annoy them and you'll get what YOU WANT!