So you like Sleeping Do YOU!!! ROOM SERVICE 101

Well I see you are STILL SLEEPING, I've been up for HOURS!

Good morning MY darlings!

ROOM SERVICE 101.........Wakey Wakey, its dawn…I see you sleeping! So ….are you? Thought you could sleep! Ah yes, the eyes are tight shut and you are snoring as usual.  What is the matter with you it is 5:00 a.m. I’ve already been prowling the morning sky for birds; a little snack before I wake you up!!!

Diva distracts, acts, stealing the morning slumber from her human!



I want my breakfast – NOW!


Do you hear ME, my day job at the theatre starts at 11:00 a.m. Just in time for English elevenses....the civilized hour for sipping tea before noon!.

I'm ready to perform....however I do have an ulterior motive  FOOD!(shaking her head and hips, wagging her tail in defiance  - tap, tap, tap)!! Get UP!

Oh.... I see toes..dare to me bite them!

I have plans for you…..thought I was innocent, oh yes, my sweet darling face could have been give away. (Smirking) But it isn’t.it isn't!   Humans have one purpose ONLY …to SERVE DIVA CATS!!!!!!

I promise to:  Make you jump out of your skin, yell in your ear with meows that will shatter glass!!! Before 7:00 a.m.!!! Can you dig it girl???

For those new kittens on the block here are the STEPS you need to take. (get your paws ready to take notes with a bowl of milk!). A refresher for the seasoned cats!

How to GET YOUR BREAKFAST NOW @^..^@ - :  10 point version:

1)      Observe your human;

2)      Carefully jump on the bed not to make any motion;

3)      Watch their face, are they snoring (if so creep up to the right or left ear and sit for a moment);

Planning the strategy!!!!

Distracting Aliens

4)      Breathe deeply, expanding the lungs, position yourself until you are one inch from their ear canal – then MEOW in an Operatic voice (KNOWN AS THE BUGLE CALL). 

Diva in fine Operatic form

Oh I see the canine has left the room with tail tucked in fright!

        5)      I love to see my human JUMP OUT OF HER SKIN!!!
LOL ha ha;

        6)      Plan B: if that doesn’t work, look for any exposed feet or toes! You may bite -JUST ENOUGH! You always get what YOU want;

      7)      Jump, on them. Walk over to the bedside table.Knock over the pen, tea cup or electric alarm clock (if it is electric, tap the cord with your paw and send it crashing to the floor);

Oh I expect you will hear moans and groans from YOUR HUMAN SERVANT…..DON’T WORRY. 
 Be ready to duck for throwing objects your way and flaying arms;

  8)      BE pursistant……the goal is to get them up and into the kitchen…FOOD IS THE PRIME DIRECTIVE…..compared to Feline or Dolphins, humans aren't the most intelligent species;

     9)      Sit outside the bedroom door; continue to scream at them glass shattering meows….eventually they will get out of bed;
  
    10)   Keep meowing at them even in the kitchen;

    11)   Look sweet and deserving…that will get them all the time;

Darling my SweeNESS pose 4 YOU

    12)   Devour your breakfast
 (nonchalantly) wash your face and sit with your back turned away from them….this will annoy them greatly;


Remember to strike the ears in a V formation like radar…pretending to be an Egyptian Sphinx.  Even if they talk to you sweetly…IGNORE THEM ^..^

Remember MY DARLINGS……..YOUR HUMAN IS THERE TO SERVE YOU AT ANYTIME, BREAKFAST, LUNCH OR DINNER!!!


Remember your ancestors...they wrote the book on 'how to' manipulate humans and control them.

&^..^&click on the thumbnails to see my in FULL LIFE!

Well, next week I'll test you to see how you have purformed!!!!

Write to me and let know who YOU DID!


See you next week....

similar blog posts: http://divapaws4advice.blogspot.ca/2013/04/so-you-want-little-melody-with-your_15.html

The Benefits of Feline Powers of Observation

Hello MY Darlings!

(Haughty smile)As you know there are benefits to OBSERVATION,
when it comes to YOUR humans!

They as a species are quite interesting to say a few, although fairly intelligent you can outwit and out manoeuvre them quite easily.

Dr. Jane Goodall and Chimpanzee

There has always been a scientific interest both  human observing and animals and vise-verse.   One of my favorite Diva is Dr. Jane Goodall, I like her style very much and she has taught me a lot over the years.

Cheshire Cat

My human is very clever and at food time; I always have to come up with interesting ways to GET HER ATTENTION.  I want MY FOOD I will be determined to get it!  As with any strategy in hunting, corralling is important.  Pick up spot  make eye contact, sit and wait - (WATCH and OBSERVE).  Look for the visual cues: a) body language, b) positioning c) eye contact and d) motion.   The human muscles in the mouth are very similar to felines and canines.  It has been said that cats often smile like a human (LOL  like a big Cheshire cat) lets hope they remember to put there dentures in in the morning it could be VERY SCARY!

Your human will: a) guard their food b) turn their body position away from you (watch their mouth) continuing to ignore you as she does me. Then I muster a theatrical loud primal scream (MEOW). She might jump out of their skin (ha ha) and look back...MEOW . Watch carefully.... they drop their food! Engage in the 'grab and run' and hide yourself under your chair.  Unless she likes hitting her head...it is unlikely go any further..leaving you alone IN PEACE! Devouring the spoils.

Mission accomplished DARLINGS!  If you have any observations, simply let me know.Its all about the LEARNING CURVE...and how we can accomplish this TOGETHER .

Ciao MY darlings........................