The Friday File: Going Incognito - or How I Escaped the Wardrobe Mistress!

Well Hello MY Darlings!

Welcome to the Friday Files!

If you have stumbled upon this, or just grabbed a bowl of milk, or decided to escape from your HUMAN...you've come to the RIGHT PLACE.

Five minutes to myself: Theatre Life is so DEMANDING!

Rest your PAWS travel into the TARDIS,

(escape, escape...) to the worm hole, rabbit hole, wardrobe or in the Church they call it 'Rood Screen'.

Incognito Strategy

In the Theater the prop department simply calls it "THE SCREEN"! Darlings...don't kid yourself; we know "privacy screens" aren't all that they are cracked up to be. You don't even get time to practice a decent ARIA!!

  
Be aware of the of the "Dreaded Wardrobe Mistress".

I call her the Wicked Wicked Witch:

YOU are under MY SPELL!

Everyone knows the power SHE wields.  Like Betty Davis, an intellect with cunning resources. She WILL  hunt you down like Sherlock Holmes, THINKS before you do!

I even got on the catline to my cousin "Sammy" a master of disguise in his own right (said "I can't compete with her, I'm at loose PAWS")!



Now you would think, with ALL years of training I could out smart her; out scream her, out wit her..or does she know me too well?

Well....life is a bit like this:
 

Does this sound familiar: 

"Human Mummy says, kids leave me alone for a moment, kids say....you aren't paying me enough attention".

MY Secretary says “Diva it’s dinner time, come and get it” Diva mutters in cat whisper...(where is the mute button for for that grating cutter voice).. Is there NO PEACE!?

I'll make myself invisible

Sush: Don't give away the PAWS

The Wardrobe Mistress says: "Diva stop being a Drama Queen! If your costume is tight ...you shouldn't have eaten that plateful of sardines last night…I warned YOU”.   

 Diva replies “Oh leave me alone, I just want to hide”.

Hints for being effective at INCOGNITO:  

1. When trying not to be found out, DON'T STICK your paws BELOW the wooden screen;
2. Make sure you EAT so your stomach doesn't rumble a freight train!
3. Any voluntary body twitching from dreaming..... WILL result as a dead giveaway;
4. Get the prop department to build a drop stairway so you can ESCAPE like Houdini;
5. Use your understudy and bribe him or her as necessary! 
6. Make sure the Wardrobe Mistress isn't reading Houdini before YOU! 
7. Be ONE STEP AHEAD!

                                                       Remember: be one PAW head !

 

A GREAT Diva can outsmart them ALL


Remember to follow me........

If you missed my TRIP TO VIENNA here it is     city-to-city-vienna.html

So you like Sleeping Do YOU!!! ROOM SERVICE 101

Well I see you are STILL SLEEPING, I've been up for HOURS!

Good morning MY darlings!

ROOM SERVICE 101.........Wakey Wakey, its dawn…I see you sleeping! So ….are you? Thought you could sleep! Ah yes, the eyes are tight shut and you are snoring as usual.  What is the matter with you it is 5:00 a.m. I’ve already been prowling the morning sky for birds; a little snack before I wake you up!!!

Diva distracts, acts, stealing the morning slumber from her human!



I want my breakfast – NOW!


Do you hear ME, my day job at the theatre starts at 11:00 a.m. Just in time for English elevenses....the civilized hour for sipping tea before noon!.

I'm ready to perform....however I do have an ulterior motive  FOOD!(shaking her head and hips, wagging her tail in defiance  - tap, tap, tap)!! Get UP!

Oh.... I see toes..dare to me bite them!

I have plans for you…..thought I was innocent, oh yes, my sweet darling face could have been give away. (Smirking) But it isn’t.it isn't!   Humans have one purpose ONLY …to SERVE DIVA CATS!!!!!!

I promise to:  Make you jump out of your skin, yell in your ear with meows that will shatter glass!!! Before 7:00 a.m.!!! Can you dig it girl???

For those new kittens on the block here are the STEPS you need to take. (get your paws ready to take notes with a bowl of milk!). A refresher for the seasoned cats!

How to GET YOUR BREAKFAST NOW @^..^@ - :  10 point version:

1)      Observe your human;

2)      Carefully jump on the bed not to make any motion;

3)      Watch their face, are they snoring (if so creep up to the right or left ear and sit for a moment);

Planning the strategy!!!!

Distracting Aliens

4)      Breathe deeply, expanding the lungs, position yourself until you are one inch from their ear canal – then MEOW in an Operatic voice (KNOWN AS THE BUGLE CALL). 

Diva in fine Operatic form

Oh I see the canine has left the room with tail tucked in fright!

        5)      I love to see my human JUMP OUT OF HER SKIN!!!
LOL ha ha;

        6)      Plan B: if that doesn’t work, look for any exposed feet or toes! You may bite -JUST ENOUGH! You always get what YOU want;

      7)      Jump, on them. Walk over to the bedside table.Knock over the pen, tea cup or electric alarm clock (if it is electric, tap the cord with your paw and send it crashing to the floor);

Oh I expect you will hear moans and groans from YOUR HUMAN SERVANT…..DON’T WORRY. 
 Be ready to duck for throwing objects your way and flaying arms;

  8)      BE pursistant……the goal is to get them up and into the kitchen…FOOD IS THE PRIME DIRECTIVE…..compared to Feline or Dolphins, humans aren't the most intelligent species;

     9)      Sit outside the bedroom door; continue to scream at them glass shattering meows….eventually they will get out of bed;
  
    10)   Keep meowing at them even in the kitchen;

    11)   Look sweet and deserving…that will get them all the time;

Darling my SweeNESS pose 4 YOU

    12)   Devour your breakfast
 (nonchalantly) wash your face and sit with your back turned away from them….this will annoy them greatly;


Remember to strike the ears in a V formation like radar…pretending to be an Egyptian Sphinx.  Even if they talk to you sweetly…IGNORE THEM ^..^

Remember MY DARLINGS……..YOUR HUMAN IS THERE TO SERVE YOU AT ANYTIME, BREAKFAST, LUNCH OR DINNER!!!


Remember your ancestors...they wrote the book on 'how to' manipulate humans and control them.

&^..^&click on the thumbnails to see my in FULL LIFE!

Well, next week I'll test you to see how you have purformed!!!!

Write to me and let know who YOU DID!


See you next week....

similar blog posts: http://divapaws4advice.blogspot.ca/2013/04/so-you-want-little-melody-with-your_15.html

Design YOUR DIVA DAY

Hello My Darlings!  Well how are you!  I am my gorgeous self - simply purfect.


(Sipping slowing on my mug of milk ponders....)

Today is DIVA DAY I've decided to take a ME day and why not.    The to do list has been given my servant while I take off.

ME days are very crucial for the DIVA
1) It qualifies WHO and WHAT they are;
2) There are NO limits to what WE CAN DO;
3) Diva activities include: Fine dining, quaffing of wine, retail shopping and motoring in town or around the country. Perhaps a little theatre too.
4) ME days enable felines to be in touch with our DIVA soul (artistically where we create and find most PURFECT self dabbling in the MUSE);
5) Every DIVA needs to escape from HUMANS.

This DIVA has got it RIGHT!

5) Call your DIVA friends and GO!

So does my friend Toulouse Toulouse the Cool Cat

Toulouse LeTrek

Stage: Portrait Picture

I'm the DASHING DIVA -- Ciao.